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I Waited...

One last chance...

...and I waited.

This wasn't for love...
...just a primal need. 
Want of familiarity....
...desire, lust, on my knees.

Sat alone in the solitude of my thoughts,
I tried to see the future in the clear liquid fire burning my throat. 
A familiar friend to drown a familiar pain. 

...and a face which I will never see again. 


...I waited. 

Still burning in need...
...craving to feel.
Want of familiarity...
...touch, closeness, arms around me.

Still as yet another night closed, a knock on my door,
I tried to will you here with the clear liquid fire burning my heart.
A familiar plea to drown a familiar pain. 

...and a face too weak to ever see me again.  

Don't keep me waiting.

Drink You Away

the solitude enveloped her
--or was it the vodka,
the cheap kind that burned out any lingering feelings.
but eventually they all did that, and
sunrise was going to hurt

Out of Context

that moment that you said,
"I am giving you want you want,"
could only have hurt less if you had
physically punched me in the chest.
in fact, that's what it felt like
as my tears hit the floor
there next to where my heart
splattered blood on my feet.

"I am done.  There is no room for me."
or see through these tears...
"no, no, no, god, please don't leave!"
was all i could scream, could think,
i died.
i swear i did.
each breath hinged on your next word
to me.

but this hole, this gaping chasm in my chest
was still there,
is still...

you won't know this

all those years ago how could we know,
that i'd be sitting here and you sitting there,
in your chair staring down a wall,
while i tried so hard to call you without,
ever picking up the phone.  

the times that separates us.
the hate for what never was.
the passion screamed out in wordless noise,
and yes, i cried those tears for you.
you never knew,
and never will know this.  

and the time keeps moving along us,
gliding past our vacant stares to space,
wishing there was a place where,
i could look at you and you i,
and caress the sighs that escape those lips.  

but a shoulder is to be turned,
and the whole world can be burned,
before we ever admit our search is futile,
in others smile,
for yours is the one i yearn,
though i won't tell
and you won't know this.  

all those years ago and how could we know,
that you'd be sitting there and i sitting here,
in my chair staring down a wall,
wishing so hard you'd call for me but never,
hearing anything at all.


... I crave hands, not batteries.
Teeth and breath, not plastic.

Have you ever touched yourself while talking to me?

I might have back when...
You could make me react without having to.

We did connect a bit.

Ya, just a little. ;)

Come crawl in my lap.

I would in a heart beat.

Why do I get the feeling you would do much of what I crave?

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

You tell me... is it?
To me it is beautiful, but you knew that.

It's like I am supposed to... need to, want to...

I lay in bed sometimes and wonder about why I see you nude before me.

Come up with any answers?

Slave comes to mind when I allow it to surface...
How often to you feel that side of yourself?

Only ever when talking to one person in particular have I ever felt more slave than just submissive.

Is that what haunts you? That feeling of being a slave?

The connection that it would take to make me so.

I don't think you have ever said no to me.

Nope, not even when you said you would push me to my limits... and even beyond.

Would you ever say no?

I have no desire to say no to you.
...and I don't know why. I have thought about it a lot.


Did you let your mind wander today?

It does everyday.

What did you think on?

Little things throughout the day... wishing things were different.

Like touching, smelling, and feeling that connection...simple? You want to feel that collar don't you?

Yes. That is a pretty big hole inside lately.

Did you feel a little better doing as told last night? Even for a moment?

Yes, a little.

It's just not wanting to do, it's that need. To be what is needed.

It's not even just the submission alone.. it's the whole picture that I am needing... a connection I am craving, along with the physical presence and giving of myself... all of it. Each part is sitting before me separately... none of it fills the void alone.

Friendship, companionship, the feel of someone in the house that cares, letting go and accepting where you need to be, having someone that gives a damn about you...


Someone that values you... beyond anyone else.

Dammit, why do you always make me cry?

His eyes

Aria stole a peek with one eye. Shoes. He was still there... waiting. She could feel his eyes on her as she knelt at his feet. He hadn't said a word. He was just waiting, but he knew once she gained the courage to look into his eyes, she was his. For now, she could have her little streak of defiance, keeping her eyes squeezed shut, head bowed. She would look, sooner or later, she always did, and he was patient. Like many times before, she would turn her face to him, glancing at his face, his mouth, before finally settling her gaze on his eyes, and there she would stay... trapped. The courage would drain from her eyes to be replaced with a sweet simple pleading. A look he fed off of and would use to take her body to places she fantasized about in the deep dark recesses of her brain. He held her enthralled. Each blink of his eyes causing a momentary pause her life, like a little death, to be returned once those eyes held her again.
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