A year...

...has gone by. I have sat here and opened up this very page so many times, staring at the blank canvas before me, wondering... should I? Can I?

In a way, I miss it...
In a way, I don't...

It was a lot of work for me to keep up with at a time when time was at a premium. But time is still at a preminum these days, possibly even more so than back then. I was also so torn, having to segregate my life into so many pieces, one for each mask I had to wear, hide but don't hide, share but don't share. I think I started to lose myself in some aspect. So I just down, tuned out, stuck my head in the sand, so to speak.

There were other reasons. So much has happened...
No suprise, FG and I went our separate ways. It was fun while it lasted and I do miss him sometimes, but there was never any future for us. Our individual wants and needs just would never line up. He could never offer me want I truly needed. Hitting me all at that same time was the discovery that my daughter had developed an autoimmune disorder, along with, my health having been in a downward spiral for over 4 years, finding out I also have the same disease. I had just gone undiagnosed for so long, that my body had basically started to shut down. There were nights I was not sure I was going to wake in the morning. All this while still working, trying to finish school, taking care of my kids, ...now having to find a new place to live and move, losing FG. It certainly took its toll on me and it didn't get easier from there... I was forced to make some decisions I regret and am still suffering the consequences of.

However, that is all coming to an end. My health is improving, and while it will take years to fully recover, I am a thousand times better than I was. I finished school finally and am now working in that field! The bad decision I locked myself to expires in a month. So, life is still hectic and stressful, but it's getting there!!


Okay, again, why am I here? I still don't truly know. An outlet, maybe.
I have started writing a bit again and posting in another journal, but this site keeps calling to me.. this is mine, I created it, it is my canvas to create upon. My writings should go here. Should they not? I am pretty sure this page will evolve into something other than what it was. For now, I am going to write. Maybe someday I will do photographs again. I did have fun coming up with new ideas and shots each week... but it was very time consuming doing it all on my own without any support. The autotimer dance! ;) I will just have to see. I need to evolve personally, cause what I have been doing isn't working. Thus, will my world around me evolve...