that time of year

...where we attempt to turn our back on the past and stare down the future by making promises we will never keep...

Yes, its resolution time!

I have a few. The obligatory blog blog blog, lose weight, stop smoking, workout more...

But I have others as well. I have vowed mental self-improvement. I have to undo some of the damage caused by my ex. It has been a rough few years. So, this year has to get better or I will... I will... well, I will just whine about it on here! ;)

talking to myself

I write my best stuff in my head..lying in bed, far away from pen and paper. The words pour forth like a river... beautiful, thoughtful, ...inspired. Problem is as I sit here to commit my prose to print, these words no longer exist. My brain becomes that tone you hear when you've left the phone off the hook............

~please hold and an operator will assist you momentarily~

craving

i need to feel your hand on my neck, your lips caressing mine...
your breath on my face as you wait for me to start to breathe again.

under the rug

my insecurities get the best of me at times. i try to hide them away, to sweep them under a rug for no one to see. The problem is they fester. The stench of their rotting eminates through my existance, wrinkling my nose and contaminating the air still.
Because of the smell, the curiousity to lift the corner of the rug and poke and them a bit, re-examine and therefore relive them becomes almost an obsession.
They taint the air, taint my actions, often times bringing to fruition the once unfounded fears.
A sort of self-sabotage.

puppet

sometimes you can't outrun your past. no matter how hard you try or how many miles you put between you. thank you, internet :(
i thought i had cut my puppet strings and become a real girl, but no..
this someone (well, several someones -cause hyenas always travel in packs) sneaks up on the unsuspecting callie and manages to throw her life into turmoil. she sits and regroups while he/they run cackling off back to their own miserable existence to lay low and plan her next demise.
life slowly returns, emotions are packed safely away after damage assessment... time passes..

but she knows they will be back.
some out of spite and evil, some seeking parts she cannot give. all pulling at the flesh of her soul.

yes, Pinocchio, you are still just a puppet.

in the darkness..

would you be able to find my hand in the darkness?
would you instinctively reach ?

does your soul shake when I speak with you?
does the bleeding..run hot?
does your mind rest within the thoughts I have given?
or does it ache for more?

again the dance comes to mind ..
I step, you step

..my hand out stretched waiting for the music to move you closer.

the song is playing,
you hear the notes.

the question is as you posed...do you wish to be found?
or do you wish I leave and turn the light off?

and i cried as i took that fearful step forward and placed my hand into his. my soul sighed and my heart held its breath for one terrifying moment before the tears came to my eyes.

The dance just started

Telling yourself to stand your ground and not retreat from me..felt good and yet very unsettling didnt it? Each sentence was a beat of my heart that I spoke to you.

The biggest part is fearing that it is all just pretty words and poetry.. words have no meaning without the emotions to breathe life into them.
Then protect what you must with me..until you find what it takes to step again.

...in chains

You better love loving you better behave
You better love loving you better behave
Woman in Chains
Woman in Chains

Calls her man the Great White Hope
Says she's fine, she'll always cope
Woman in Chains
Woman in Chains

Well I fell lying and waiting is a poor man's deal
And I feel hopelessly weighed down by your eyes of steel
It's a world gone crazy
Keeps Woman in Chains

Trades her soul as skin and bone
Sells the only thing she owns
Woman in Chains
Woman in Chains

Men of Stone
Men of Stone

Well I feel deep in your heart there are wounds Time can't heal
And I feel somebody somewhere is trying to breathe
Well you know what I mean
It's a world gone crazy
Keeps Woman in Chains

It's under my skin but out of my hands
I'll tear it apart but I won't understand
I will not accept the Greatness of Man
It's a world gone crazy
Keeps Woman in Chains

So Free Her
(The sun and the moon)
So Free Her
(The wind and the rain)
So free Her



-tears for fears: woman in chains